My Breastfeeding Journey Ended Early

I’ve gotten this question a handful of times recently, and I want it to share it and have it live somewhere permanently. You all know I like talking a lot. Especially about things I wish that people talked about more frequently. I had a blissfully easy time nursing my oldest child. Easy! I never quite understood when women said they had a hard time nursing. When my daughter was born, I got a little window into that world.

Tatum nursed relatively easily until she was about 6 months old. At her 6 month check up, her doctor was concerned that she wasn’t gaining weight quickly enough. Tatum was nursing frequently, and was consuming a decent volume of milk (measured by her immediate weight increase after nursing), but my milk must have been… more like skim milk haha. I was really reluctant to introduce formula. After spending a few hours thinking about it, I realized I was reluctant to introduce formula for SELFISH reasons. For some ridiculously intense (and possibly hormonal) reason, I wasn’t ready for my child to not SOLEY need me for her nourishment. I know! It sounds ridiculous! But I’ve talked to a handful of other nursing moms who had a similar reaction and feeling. After a few hours of struggling with these emotions, I was able to accept that I need to ALWAYS do what is best for her, even when it is hard for me.

We got some formula, and tried every bottle/nipple on the market. She fought us… HARD. My mom was actually the one to get Tatum to successfully take a bottle (apparently ComoTomo was most “realistic” boob in Tatum’s opinion. And after that, it was pretty much game over. Tatum fell in love with the bottle. And I get it! She did’t have to work as hard on a bottle as she did on my (often) sweaty boob for only half the calories. 

I still really wanted to nurse Tatum. I had set a “goal “ to breastfeed each of my kids for 12 months. But… she was kind of over it. I struggled getting her to nurse a few times a day until she was about 11 months old. The last month, especially, was a struggle. Tatum was ready. But I was not ready to close this chapter.

We were at my best friend’s wedding shortly before Tatum turned 11 months old. My boobs were starting to fit in my dress the way they did before kids. Friends were out late dancing and celebrating… and I started to feel some peace about letting go. I started to feel ready. And truthfully, Tatum had been ready for some time.

The first night I let my husband put Tatum to bed, I felt PEACE. There was still a small part of me that felt nostalgic seeing my friends nurse their children. But more than anything, I saw my daughter putting on pounds, sleeping through the night better, and acting more content in general. Knowing that it was right for her, helped me accept that it was right for me.

Nursing on the Trail

If you are still breastfeeding, and live a relatively active lifestyle, there are some great ways to nurse out on the skintrack/trail/ crag. I wore a  long, scoop neck tank top, with a built in shelf bra under every shirt or jacket I wore. THIS is the exact tank I wore every single day when breastfeeding (and still wear every day!). My boobs are typically an A-  when I nurse I go up to a C. This is enough support for me. They are not cheap, but I have 4 of them, and have been wearing them every single day for a few years.  If this doesn’t work for you (need more support),  I still like looking for a long, low neck tank (synthetic, not cotton, so you can get sweaty on the trail safely in it) to wear over my bra. This makes it easy to keep my mid section covered if you are wearing a shirt that you need to pull up to nurse (not many nursing fleece/baselayer options.

Honestly, over my long tank, I wear whatever shirt or jacket I normally wear. I’ve never been a huge fan of maternity or nursing styles. When it’s time to feed the baby, I lift up my regular shirt, and pull my boob out over the top of my bra. These keeps me almost totally covered, which is important if I’m out hiking in the snow and it’s 10 degrees outside. If I feel self conscious, I can easily cover my child’s head with my shirt. Full disclaimer, I get really cranky when I feel hot or stuffy, and I assume my kids feel the same way- especially when they are eating. Keeping my kids totally covered when I’m nursing is not much of a priority to me, unless I am somewhere that makes me feel uncomfortable.